


Halloween Joke

by Chrysalin



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Bat Family, Family Shenanigans, Gen, Halloween, Inappropriate outlet of stress, Jason Todd Has Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-08 12:37:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18623437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrysalin/pseuds/Chrysalin
Summary: To celebrate Halloween and vent a little frustration, the Bat-kids decide to have their own fun and stress Bruce out in the process.





	Halloween Joke

For reasons Bruce Wayne couldn’t immediately define, seeing all five of his children standing over assorted Halloween craft supplies in the cave made his blood run cold.

He supposed part of it could be because his children often had a great deal of animosity between them. Damian, for example, was quite willing to gut Tim and/or Jason over almost nothing, while Tim often wanted to beat his younger brother over the head with his bo staff for his arrogance and constant assertions that as the only blood son, he was the only one Bruce truly needed. Jason lived to heckle the others, and that was when he was in a good mood. In a bad mood, his second eldest was fast to draw blood and go to ground for months. Dick, while usually on good terms with the others, could and often did have issues with his brothers, but they tended to reach truces far more quickly than the others. Cassandra was really the only one who maintained a good relationship with the rest of the family on any sort of consistent basis. 

Bruce was almost willing to decide it was just because the group could run into issues just through difficult personalities. That confidence was shaken when Stephanie wheeled Barbara in, both holding further supplies and what his trained eye recognized as the pieces of a collapsed catapult. His anxiety jumped several levels. 

Dick was the first one to notice him lingering by the elevator. “Hey, B!” he cried, brandishing a knife. “Want to join?!”

His oldest son wasn’t prone to stabbing, which managed to mitigate at least a sliver of Bruce’s discomfort, but it ratcheted up again when he realized his other children were similarly armed. Clearing his throat, he asked, “What are the knives for?”

The first Robin glanced down at the blade as though he’d forgotten its existence, then laughed. “We’re carving pumpkins, of course! Lil D didn’t approve of the tools in the kit, so we got out the actual tools for better results.”

Damian sniffed. “Those so-called tools were disgraceful. The metal was so thin and fragile that a small child could break them, and the plastic was poorly secured. It’s a wonder the companies that make them aren’t subject to constant lawsuits due to their shoddy products.”

Tim rolled his eyes. “They’re supposed to be thin. It helps with the fine work, since pumpkins aren’t the easiest things to carve.”

“All the more reason to use proper blades, Drake. Surely you’re not so incompetent that you don’t understand.”

Jason smirked. “As much as I want to hear this argument for the tenth time today, we need to get started if we’re going to get through everything.”

“Everything being what?” Bruce asked cautiously. 

Babs wheeled up and offered him a notebook, which appeared to contain an extensive list of activities. At first, he didn’t see anything that stuck out as particularly problematic, until he realized everything had a vaguely violent bent to it. 

“Did that say ‘pin the sentence on the con’?”

“Yep,” Dick agreed, tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth as he considered the assortment of pumpkins he’d pulled up in a little wagon. He finally selected one he liked and carried it over to the long table they usually used to clean their equipment and make repairs to their uniforms. “It’ll be cathartic to make something actually stick.”

“That was my joke, Dickie-bird,” Jason called as he chose a pumpkin for himself. “Don’t use it without permission.”

“But little wing, it was just so clever!”

Jason scoffed. “Anyway, B, there’s nothing wrong with what we’re doing as long as no one gets hurt, right?”

“I… suppose,” he said slowly. 

He wanted it to be that simple. Having the kids all working together on holiday activities seemed harmless enough. Then he made the mistake of flipping over to look at the designs they’d made for some of the decorations and almost dropped the notebook. 

“Why are the pumpkins and the scarecrows all being made to look like the Joker?”

“And the pinata,” Steph added as she carried said monstrosity over to a ladder they’d clearly set up ahead of time.

The bared teeth he got in response was more Red Hood than Jason Todd, and the peace of mind he’d been slowly starting to build up drained away instantaneously. “For fun,” was Jason’s scanty explanation. 

Bruce very suddenly wanted to be somewhere, ANYWHERE else. And despite that, he knew he had to stay. Barbara was clearly in on the whole debacle, and she was the only one he would have trusted to put a stop to the potentially disastrous affair. He glanced at Stephanie, almost wondering if maybe she could be persuaded to see reason, and shuddered.

He had a feeling it was going to be a long night.


End file.
